Nurturing Persistence and Choice in Children
November 10, 2025

“If persistence be the true foundation of the will, we nevertheless recognize decision as the act of the will par excellence.” 

— Dr. Maria Montessori, Spontaneous Activity in Education


In this quote, Dr. Montessori reminds us that persistence is at the heart of character development. Today, we might call this steadiness and perseverance “grit.” 


When children work through obstacles and remain committed to their chosen activity, they are not only building skills. They are forming the very foundation of their will.


Take this typical scene from a Montessori classroom: a four-year-old works with decimal system materials, building four-digit numbers using beads and cards, staying with the activity for an extended period of time, repeating it again and again with intensity and focus. The child gives as much attention to the careful set-up and clean-up as to the work itself. 


It’s easy to imagine this young person years later as a hard-working, thoughtful, responsible individual. The four-year-old’s persistence in that moment shapes the future self, strengthening the ability to act with purpose in life.


Decision: The Act of the Will


If persistence is the foundation of the will, decision is the act of the will. And every decision arises from choice. For children, the ability to make choices is essential. Just as movement cannot develop when children are kept immobile, the will cannot develop if children are never given the chance to choose.


Our entire life is a continual exercise of decisions. This ability to choose builds independence. When children cannot make their own decisions (or when they fear making the wrong one), they become dependent on others.


This is why choice is such an important part of the Montessori environment. We strengthen children’s will by continually offering opportunities to decide. The choices don’t have to be large ones. They can be woven gently into the day:


  • Would you like to carry the tray or the mat?
  • You may choose any table.
  • Would you like to put the box or the pencil away first?


Each small decision helps strengthen the will.


Independence Through Choice


Every time children make a decision, they are practicing independence. They are learning to trust themselves instead of depending on the suggestions of others. They decide when to begin and when to finish, when to move and when to pause, when to be quiet and when to speak.


One of our jobs as adults is to ensure that we are giving children opportunities to practice using their will. Just as we don’t keep children motionless when they are learning how to crawl, cruise, walk, or run, we don’t want to impede children’s will when they are learning how to make choices and act upon their environment. 


“And yet we do something of the same kind when, in order to educate the child’s ‘will,’ we first of all attempt to annihilate it, or, as we say, ‘break' it, and thus hamper the development of every factor of the will, substituting ourselves for the child in everything.” 

— Dr. Maria Montessori, Spontaneous Activity in Education


This is a cautionary reminder for us as adults, as we can all too easily impose our will upon our children. This can happen in overt, overly controlling ways, or it can happen more subtly when adults do things for children rather than allowing them to practice making choices and experiencing consequences.


As Montessori parents and guides, our role is to protect this space for choice. By doing so, we are supporting children’s independence in the present, while also helping them build the persistence, decision-making, and strength of will that will guide them for life. 


Curious to see how this works in a classroom? Schedule a tour at West Suburban Montessori School here in Oak Park, IL!


Wooden multiplication board with pegs and beads on a wooden table.
November 3, 2025
See how Montessori bead boards make multiplication and division engaging and concrete. Visit our school in Oak Park, IL and watch math come alive!
October 27, 2025
Since the pandemic, we can find ourselves carrying new or heightened worries about our children’s social lives. We can have concerns about whether our children “lost time” with peers during critical developmental years. Or maybe it’s worry about shyness, reluctance in groups, or how screen time may have replaced face-to-face play. Even now, long after schools and activities have reopened, it’s common for anxiety to surface: Is my child making enough friends? Are they socially behind? Why We Feel This Way The truth is, these concerns are natural. COVID disrupted our social connections, and children being with other children is an important part of childhood. For months (and for some even years), daily opportunities to share space, work through conflict, and experience the joy of play were limited. Add in the reality of increased screen use, the culture of comparison amplified by social media, and children who may show hesitations around groups, and it’s easy to see why we are carrying this extra layer of worry. What Montessori Reminds Us Montessori provides us with a helpful perspective: growth is not lost, it is simply unfolding in its own time. Children are incredibly resilient. Social development isn’t a race, and there isn’t one perfect timeline. Just as each child learns to walk or read at their own pace, children find their own paths into friendships and community life. How We Can Support Children (and Ourselves) So, what can we do to ease our own (and our children’s) anxiety while supporting their social growth? First, remember that depth of connection matters more than numbers. A child with one or two genuine friendships has a strong foundation. In Montessori classrooms, we often see that meaningful, sustained interactions carry more value than a large peer group. Second, provide opportunities for natural interaction rather than overscheduling. Time at the park, family gatherings, or small playdates often offer more authentic growth than tightly managed activities. In the classroom, children practice collaboration daily, from sharing materials to working on group projects. Third, support independence. After COVID, it’s natural to want to step in quickly if our child seems uncomfortable socially. But small moments of trust—like letting our children introduce themselves, ask to join a game, or resolve a conflict—help them build confidence and resilience. Finally, model calm and social grace. Children absorb how we approach social situations. When they see adults showing openness and curiosity, they are more likely to approach peers with the same ease. Partnering with Teachers Your child’s teacher is also a valuable partner. Montessori guides closely observe children’s social interactions and can offer concrete reassurance: “I noticed your child inviting a friend to join her work,” or “He showed patience while sharing materials today.” These insights often show growth that may not be as apparent outside the classroom. Supporting Social Growth at Home Simple, practical activities in our children’s lives can make a big difference. Hosting a “work together” playdate, for instance, shifts the focus from entertainment to shared purpose. Children might bake bread, build with blocks, or create art together. These collaborative activities naturally encourage conversation, cooperation, and problem-solving, giving children structured opportunities to navigate relationships. Practicing grace and courtesy at home also builds confidence. Small role-plays, like how to join a game or politely declining an invitation, help children learn the social scripts they need. Learning how to insert themselves into play: “What are you playing? I’ll join too!” or “No, thank you. I’d like to work alone right now,” are examples that may seem small but make a significant difference when children encounter peers in real settings. Family game nights are another excellent tool. Cooperative board games, memory games, or card games teach turn-taking, handling winning and losing, and joyful connection. Games provide low-stakes opportunities to practice critical social skills like patience, negotiation, and flexibility. Finally, spending time in community spaces offers invaluable real-world practice. Visits to the library, farmers’ market, or nature center allow children to engage in everyday interactions, such as greeting a librarian, asking a vendor a question, or navigating shared space with peers. These experiences help children build confidence and fluency in social settings. Moving Forward with Confidence It’s understandable to feel anxious about our child’s social life after such a collective disruption. But rest assured: children are not permanently “behind.” With trust, time, and supportive environments, children continue developing the skills of friendship, collaboration, and community. Montessori reminds us that growth is steady and ongoing. Our role is to provide the space, opportunity, and confidence children need to thrive socially. When we step back and trust the process, we discover that children are, in fact, developing social competence. Come schedule a tour of our classroom environments in Oak Park, IL to see how Montessori fosters a lasting sense of confidence and a deep form of belonging.