From Impulse to Intention: Raising Capable, Conscious Kids
July 28, 2025

In our culture, we often think of “will” in terms of willpower—gritting our teeth to do something difficult or pushing ourselves to achieve a goal. But in the Montessori approach, the will is something far more profound. We understand that, rather than being about discipline or determination, the will is the very force that propels children forward in life, guiding them from unconscious action to conscious choice.


In Montessori, supporting the development of the will is a significant part of our work. It is through this development that children become truly independent, capable of acting thoughtfully, responsibly, and with purpose.


What Is the Will?


Dr. Montessori described the will as a universal force of life. Like memory or language, it is part of our cognitive development, something we are born with and must nurture. It isn’t created. It’s cultivated. And like our muscles, the will grows stronger through repeated use and practice.


From birth, children are guided by natural instincts and unconscious drives, which create windows of opportunity in their development. Around age four or four and a half, those internal motivators begin to fade. That’s when the will begins to take over and become the children’s primary internal guide. At this stage, children start to act not just out of impulse, but from conscious decision-making.


The Four Stages of Will Development


Montessori described four stages in the development of the will:


Instinctual behaviors: These are the reflexes of infancy, such as rooting, suckling, grasping, and crying. They are unconscious and essential for survival.


Deliberate actions: Soon, babies begin to act with intention. We see this as they turn their head toward a voice or reach for a toy. These actions, while still not entirely rational, demonstrate a developing sense of cause and effect.


Voluntary actions: As children grow, they begin to make intentional choices, and this is when their will really begins to form. When children choose which snack to eat, which material to use, or whether to carry a tray with two hands, they are practicing using their will.


Conscious actions: Around age four and a half, children’s motivation increasingly comes from within. The choices they make are guided by thought, deliberation, and understanding.


The Role of the Environment


The will develops through experience. This means children’s environment, and how they’re allowed to interact with it, plays a central role.


Montessori classrooms are designed to give children opportunities to make real choices and experience natural consequences. This freedom, within clear boundaries, helps children learn how to act with purpose and to reflect on their actions.


By giving children appropriate levels of choice—“Would you like to carry the tray or the underlay?” “Do you want to walk by yourself or hold my hand?”—we offer them chances to practice decision-making in manageable ways. And every time children make a choice, they are exercising their will.


Balancing Impulse and Inhibition


Dr. Montessori also spoke of two fundamental forces in all of us: impulse and inhibition. Young children are often driven by impulse, an intense curiosity to act, explore, and move. That being said, they must also learn how to regulate those impulses.


The will is what helps children find balance. It allows them to move from reacting to choosing. In a well-prepared environment, children develop the capacity to think, “I want to do this…but should I?”


This balance supports their formation of character. We don’t want children to become compliant. Instead, we want them to develop their internal strength to persist, overcome challenges, and act with integrity. Today, we might call this “grit,” but over a century ago, Dr. Montessori recognized it as the outcome of a well-developed will.


Obedience: A Natural Outcome


Montessori’s approach to discipline is often misunderstood. In many traditional systems, obedience is demanded early, sometimes before the child is developmentally capable of giving it. But Montessori believed that internal discipline is a choice, and a well-developed will must support that choice.


She described three stages of obedience:


Children cannot obey: They do not yet have the control or skills to carry out a request.


Children can obey sometimes: As abilities grow, children can follow directions, but not consistently.


Children choose to obey joyfully: They align their will with the will of trusted adults out of love, respect, and understanding.


At this highest level, obedience isn’t about power or fear. Rather, it’s about harmony and mutual respect. But to reach it, children must first be allowed to develop their own will.


Why It Matters


The development of the will is not about producing obedient children or compliant workers. It’s about raising thoughtful, capable individuals who understand themselves, make choices with care, and live harmoniously within a community.


The Montessori approach offers something radically different: an environment where children can grow into themselves with dignity, strength, and self-direction. Schedule a tour to learn more!


October 27, 2025
Since the pandemic, we can find ourselves carrying new or heightened worries about our children’s social lives. We can have concerns about whether our children “lost time” with peers during critical developmental years. Or maybe it’s worry about shyness, reluctance in groups, or how screen time may have replaced face-to-face play. Even now, long after schools and activities have reopened, it’s common for anxiety to surface: Is my child making enough friends? Are they socially behind? Why We Feel This Way The truth is, these concerns are natural. COVID disrupted our social connections, and children being with other children is an important part of childhood. For months (and for some even years), daily opportunities to share space, work through conflict, and experience the joy of play were limited. Add in the reality of increased screen use, the culture of comparison amplified by social media, and children who may show hesitations around groups, and it’s easy to see why we are carrying this extra layer of worry. What Montessori Reminds Us Montessori provides us with a helpful perspective: growth is not lost, it is simply unfolding in its own time. Children are incredibly resilient. Social development isn’t a race, and there isn’t one perfect timeline. Just as each child learns to walk or read at their own pace, children find their own paths into friendships and community life. How We Can Support Children (and Ourselves) So, what can we do to ease our own (and our children’s) anxiety while supporting their social growth? First, remember that depth of connection matters more than numbers. A child with one or two genuine friendships has a strong foundation. In Montessori classrooms, we often see that meaningful, sustained interactions carry more value than a large peer group. Second, provide opportunities for natural interaction rather than overscheduling. Time at the park, family gatherings, or small playdates often offer more authentic growth than tightly managed activities. In the classroom, children practice collaboration daily, from sharing materials to working on group projects. Third, support independence. After COVID, it’s natural to want to step in quickly if our child seems uncomfortable socially. But small moments of trust—like letting our children introduce themselves, ask to join a game, or resolve a conflict—help them build confidence and resilience. Finally, model calm and social grace. Children absorb how we approach social situations. When they see adults showing openness and curiosity, they are more likely to approach peers with the same ease. Partnering with Teachers Your child’s teacher is also a valuable partner. Montessori guides closely observe children’s social interactions and can offer concrete reassurance: “I noticed your child inviting a friend to join her work,” or “He showed patience while sharing materials today.” These insights often show growth that may not be as apparent outside the classroom. Supporting Social Growth at Home Simple, practical activities in our children’s lives can make a big difference. Hosting a “work together” playdate, for instance, shifts the focus from entertainment to shared purpose. Children might bake bread, build with blocks, or create art together. These collaborative activities naturally encourage conversation, cooperation, and problem-solving, giving children structured opportunities to navigate relationships. Practicing grace and courtesy at home also builds confidence. Small role-plays, like how to join a game or politely declining an invitation, help children learn the social scripts they need. Learning how to insert themselves into play: “What are you playing? I’ll join too!” or “No, thank you. I’d like to work alone right now,” are examples that may seem small but make a significant difference when children encounter peers in real settings. Family game nights are another excellent tool. Cooperative board games, memory games, or card games teach turn-taking, handling winning and losing, and joyful connection. Games provide low-stakes opportunities to practice critical social skills like patience, negotiation, and flexibility. Finally, spending time in community spaces offers invaluable real-world practice. Visits to the library, farmers’ market, or nature center allow children to engage in everyday interactions, such as greeting a librarian, asking a vendor a question, or navigating shared space with peers. These experiences help children build confidence and fluency in social settings. Moving Forward with Confidence It’s understandable to feel anxious about our child’s social life after such a collective disruption. But rest assured: children are not permanently “behind.” With trust, time, and supportive environments, children continue developing the skills of friendship, collaboration, and community. Montessori reminds us that growth is steady and ongoing. Our role is to provide the space, opportunity, and confidence children need to thrive socially. When we step back and trust the process, we discover that children are, in fact, developing social competence. Come schedule a tour of our classroom environments in Oak Park, IL to see how Montessori fosters a lasting sense of confidence and a deep form of belonging.
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October 6, 2025
From curiosity to self-control, Montessori aligns with the human tendencies that help children grow, adapt, and flourish.